I've been a Mom now for almost 11 years now. I thought that knew my daughters. I thought that I understood the way that they thought, the way that they were wired and some of the gifts that God had given them. But lately I feel like the more that I try to figure them out, the worse that it gets and more confused I become. I want so much to have a relationship with both of them, to keep close so that they can know and believe that I'll be their Mom always and they always have my love and support. I don't know some days what I'm doing. I feel like I'm scratching in the dark, fumbling for some kind of light switch to turn on to gain some insight on what to do or say next.
Maybe the "growing up" process is as challenging for me as it is for them. Maybe what I thought would always work with relating to them isn't always going to work and I have to discover new and creative ways to maintain that relationship with each of them. Maybe I have to stop thinking of myself and just focus on them and letting them teach me. Maybe I need to pray and ask God what I'm supposed to do. It's obvious to me in so many little ways that what I'm currently doing isn't working. I value them. I want them. I love them as daughters and as people. I want them to each know that in their own unique and special ways.
God knows them better than I do. I just have to admit my weakness and being so limited and ask for help.
Prayer: God, it's me again. I'm trying to figure it out and I'm not getting anywhere on my own. Could you, would you give me YOUR insight YOUR wisdom and your courage to find new and better ways of getting to know and maintain relationships with BOTH of my daughters. They are so precious to me. I'm desperate.
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