Another day

It's finally Friday.  This week was no different than any other.  Work demands, home tasks, and emotional/physical needs from people.  And I'm going to give what seems like my constant lament "I'm exhausted".  I know that I get the same 24 hours as everyone else, but why do my days seem to be so full??  And I never am able to find the time to spend being quiet.  Just quiet.

So...what IS the purpose of another day?  What am I supposed to do today?  Go through and do all the same tasks and fulfill the same responsibilities that I did yesterday?  Of course I know that the answer is an undeniable "yes", but...I'm lacking something essential, a reason to keep going, other than the tasks and responsibilities.

I want LOVE.  I MISS my sweet "tall, dark, and handsome".  I miss everything about the man.  Yes, I'm in love with him.  I've been here for quite some time.  It's a wonderful place to be....to be in love with your best friend.  To feel alive...to know that you have someone that believes in you.   It's also a place of uncertainty.....like standing on the edge of a cliff looking over into the dark.  

And I'm learning that love isn't about me, it's about the other.  It isn't about what I want, but helping them to be and do what they want.  It's serving, sacrificing, supporting, forgiving and giving grace, despite my uncertainty and utter terror at the thought of never being able to be with him on a regular basis.  I don't want to be hurt.  Yet I don't want to stop loving.  I don't want to let go, yet I don't see much more than what I am doing right now, in the future.  Is it true what they say?  "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"???? 

Prayer:  Oh God, dare I ask...would you do a miracle in ME?  I'm lost.  Desperate for you.  I don't know even what I need.  I don't know what to pray.  Help me to let go of what I want.  To let go of my dreams.  Give me faith.  Give me hope.  Please Lord.