The "next thing"....building on the same theme....TRUST

I've entered into what writer Wendy Pope in her book Wait and See describes as "the next thing".  Waiting for the man of my dreams without many words of communication, where once there was many.  In other words, holding onto his words of integrity, believing in the love that's been there consistently in the past without many, if any reminders today.  Putting his needs before mine and submitting to the care of a known God.  Continuing to love, support and encourage without getting much, if anything in return.  Is this what love is all about?  God has told me to "keep loving him" and "keep believing".  I heard that just yesterday, twice.

I don't know how to love like this.  My selfishness and the past tapes in my head SCREAM in my head "What about me?? When is it my turn?"  Isn't this a lot like the place that I just left, where I loved and gave and loved and gave, put his needs before mine, and then time after time I got hurt.

And I ask the question....is there still something to wait for? Or am I jumping to conclusions again?

It comes down to my focus...am I focused on what I have or what isn't happening? Am I so accustomed to the pain that this is what I expect?  That the cycle has been silence begets pain and I'm to blame, and I must have done something.  Now I have to fix it somehow.

Now silence has to become my friend despite my feelings of panic and fear.  I need to have a mantra of God being bigger than my feelings and smarter than what I see and that He REALLY DOES understand all aspects of my situation, having them all in His control.

Prayer:  Lord, help me not to worry that he's going to hurt me.  Lord, help me believe that this "next thing" will bring me closer to you and I don't have to worry.  You've got this.  I need YOU to do this in me, because it's beyond me, way beyond me.  Move with Your Holy Spirit, I pray.  Help me love this man the way you would have me love him.

The battle about self

True humility is defined by C.S. Lewis as "not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."  That means putting the needs of others before self.  Boy, is this a battle about self, or what??  Scripture goes on to say in James 4:6 NLT, "God opposes the proud but give grace to the humble."    Or in plain English....God resists or goes to battle against the proud.  That sure does put it in perspective, doesn't it?  Digging a little deeper though, it's about TRUST.  Trusting that as I set aside my own selfish desires, wants, needs and focus on the needs of others, God's heart of LOVE will take care of me.  He will meet my needs, hear my prayers, see my tears,  mend my heart and do His best for me.  I need to make a choice to trust His heart.

Oh Lord, this is honestly hard. This position calls for courage.  Courage that alone I can't muster.  Do IN me Lord, what I can't do for myself.  Change me, infuse me, get inside of my head....my thoughts, my ideas, my patterns of thinking and help me get a revelation that Your heart towards me is good.  That I can trust YOU, even when the negative thoughts about my circumstances scream at me inside my head and beg me to control, manipulate and get my way....to relieve my fear....especially when I don't see you with my natural eyes.  Put a gag on the voice of the enemy when I desperately feel the need for affirmation of Your Love for me and I don't get it. Help me to remember to speak YOUR truth out into the spiritual realm, so that fear won't overtake my mind and heart.  Draw me close Lord.  Help me to bow in humility, and not throw a tantrum in selfishness.