Words

As I pen these words, I first ask the Holy Spirit to guide my fingers as they tiptoe over the keys.  I want God to speak through and in my words.  You see, words, I've been told, are containers of power, either for life or for death.  But what I didn't realize is that words can be part of the way that we think about relationships, either being one that's life-giving or one that produces fear, shame and unpredictability.  I've also learned that love, communicated through words isn't predictable. It's UNpredictable.  At least, that's the way it was. Something said one day, was good just for that day or only that moment.  I learned quickly that words and their meanings were temporary, as was the moment they were spoken.  Furthermore, the person that spoke the words was also unpredictable, because the same words spoken another day could mean, and many times DID mean something different.  My memory, instead of being a friend I relied on, became an enemy, because when I went back to it, I was told, "You heard that wrong" or "I never said that". that I was confused.  It even got to the point that I couldn't even believe myself.  

The power of words to communicate love, feelings, ideas, emotions:  to help one person to connect to another was altered/damaged, and so was the soul that lived by those words. Then I took that relationship that I had with the unpredictability of words into my adult life and used it as a the filter for which future relationships was based.  

Now I'm involved with a man that really LOVES and what he says is what he means, and what he means is what he says.  He loves with his faithfulness, his consistency, his integrity, his words and actions being the same every day, believing in the couple that we have come to be.  Then there's me who doesn't know how to believe that LOVE could stay like that over the course of days, months or years, because it never has been REAL love like this before.   

What's more is that the soul that is damaged, can't see the WORD of God as being one that is predictable or alive FOR me, because it's SO much out of the sphere of what I've always experienced "normal" to be.  

So, God is teaching me about words.  Words ARE containers of power....either for love or fear, giving life or producing fear.  He is teaching me that the world that I grew up in needs to be healed by His Spirit...to transform the relationship that I have with words.    

Prayer:  Lord, I desperately want to believe in YOUR WORD, the Word of LOVE from you and from others.  Teach me, show me, reveal to me what words are real and what words I should discard.  Transform my hearing, my thinking, my damaged soul so that I can believe in words spoken out of love, that they won't be taken from me.  Help me to believe in LOVE, in BEING LOVED, not always afraid that love will be taken away at a moment's notice without warning or provocation. Teach me Lord that YOU love me and that He loves me too.  Help my unbelief.  In Jesus' healing blood I pray.....